About four years ago a great friend of mine passed away of cancer in his late 20's. I went to visit his Myspace page to see what people had written about him and found something I wrote for a blog years ago. It was his last re-post before he died. Given the ways I know many people are struggling right now, I thought this we be relevant for many people. Enjoy!
-Matt
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Gratefully Sorrowful
This week as I have been reading this book Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning, the Holy Spirit brought that scene to the forefront of my mind and helped me realize how ungrateful I am. Was 2003 a good year? Yes, it was. I got married to a wonderful woman who loves me and supports me. Was 2004 a good year? Yeah, sure. My sister got married to a great guy and I became the uncle to an adorable child named Axel. 2002? Amazing...I did Youth-With-A- Mission for 6 months, which became arguably the most God-filled, anointed, and life changing experience of my whole life.
Then came 2005...My mentor and pastor of three and a half years leaves, which leads to seven months of pastoral search teams, discord, grumbling, and arguing. This is followed by the stillborn birth of our son, Enoch, and as we buried him on August 19th 2005, my wife's grandfather passes away in Ottawa, ON. Shortly thereafter, my grandmother has a massive heart attack 2 1/2 weeks before Christmas and undergoes open-heart surgery within the week. Then Christmas ends with a house full of guests all becoming grossly sick with the stomach flu (including myself, which if you ask anyone close to me you will learn I would rather undergo brain surgery, a Richard Simmons workout, or a Kenny G concert than vomit for eight hours). To top the whole thing off, sales dried up in the month of November, leaving me to pay December's mortgage through the sale of our car, and then January's mortgage by borrowing from every young person's favorite bank (mom and dad-thanks!).
In Job 1: 10 it says, "If we take happiness from God's hand, must we not take sorrow too?" Notice the words "take" in the previous sentence, a verb of action indicating a reaching out and receiving. All of us desire to receive a blessing from God, something delightful or pleasurable. One would not hesitate to take a gift from the Lord's lap no more than one would hesitate to pick up a $100 bill blowing in the breeze across the sidewalk. But what about sorrow??? The littlest inconvenience occurs and we are asking God, why me? In the midst of such asking, we conveniently forget our heart is beating, our lungs are breathing, and the food we are eating. We ignore the taste of coffee, the smell of pie, or the beauty of nature. Americans, I believe, are the only people alive that expect no suffering. When tragedy hits close, we fall to our knees, cry in disbelief, and easily forget that no one in the history of the world has ever been so full and well provided for as we! If we are going to be true disciples of Jesus, we Americans need to learn to take suffering from our Lord's hand as gratefully as we take happiness. As Paul says, "Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope..."
As I made that comment on New Years Day, I was convicted because I was trying to forget the suffering God had given to me in 2005, and was attempting to gaze toward a happier 2006. God's desire was to stretch my perseverance, my character, and my hope; but happiness was all I would remain thankful for. Why? Because being thankful in happy times is easy. Both Saints and Sinners alike can join in that. But being thankful in times of sorrow is reserved for Saints, because being grateful in sorrow is the ultimate trust in God that He is producing a good work in the life of His beloved. To close with a quote by Henri Nouwen, "As long as we keep dividing our lives between events and people we would like to remember and those we would rather forget, we cannot claim the fullness of our beings as a gift of God to be grateful for."
